Random Thoughts

This post is going to be a hodge podge of thoughts that have been tumbling around inside my head.  I've been trying to come up with a specific focus, but I don't have anything that's actually ready.  I have training video clips, but they are better utilized once we're further along and I can explain why we're working on the exercises that we are.  So no videos to put together.  We've continued doing our closer to home light hikes, but I feel like those are really a wash, rinse, repeat.  So nothing super exciting there.  I suppose that I could say that things are going well as I have nothing terrible to report.  That's always a plus.  Now on to random thoughts!

Nutrition.  I LOVE canine nutrition.  I feed a raw, or species appropriate, diet, which has me taking a very direct role in the food that my dogs eat.  I did a fair bit of research before switching Heffner and Bess and I've continued to read more about what people are doing, the science behind it and of course, listening to podcasts that talk about it.  Taking a more involved role in what my dogs are eating has me feeling good about what's going into them and maintaining their overall health.  With that being said, I have a more heightened sense of striving for a high quality of life with some longevity to it.  In that vein, I've been diving more deeply into supplements.  As much as possible, you want your pets to get their vital nutrients in their whole form from the foods that they eat.  However, different health conditions, different activities and different environments that you take your dog into can have deleterious effects on your dog.  Sometimes their diet can use some additional help.  And sometimes I get hooked on a topic and get a little bit obsessive about it and trying to keep my dogs around as long as possible.  So I'm making some tweaks to the supplements that Dominic is receiving.  I'll share more as it progresses, but I like doing what I can to help keep him happy and healthy for as long as possible. 

Obviously my concern with longevity has a more recent emphasis with losing Miley at the age of 4.  Losing her at such a young age has spawned so many thoughts in my head.  As I'm in the process of working through all of this, Facebook pops up a memory of Heffner and Bess from 9 years ago.  9. Years.  It's nuts.  I think back to the mental space I was in with those guys and it's such a different reality than what I have now.  I knew that I would out live them.  I knew that their lifespan would never be long enough.  But I had been through so much with them both and they were both so vibrant and influential in my life, that I couldn't fathom what it would be like to be without them.  I knew that they would die, but at the same time, that fact seemed very unreal.  They were this constant in my life that influenced everything for me.  They tackled so many things with me and made it through various hurdles that without realizing it, I unconsciously started to believe that they would just always be there.  Losing those two rocked my world view.  Being involved in the dane community, I knew plenty of people who had lost their dogs.  And being involved in the conformation arena, I knew many breeders whose reality was that they would have many danes in their lives.  It was a fact that was interwoven in all that they did.  Yes each loss hurt, but they had accepted that to continue with the breed meant that they would know and love many in their own lifespan.  That fact didn't sink in fully until I lost Heffner and Bess.  Losing Miley cemented it.  This is my reality with this breed.  If I continue to choose to have great danes in my life, the truth is that there will be several.  I have no illusions that any of my dogs will just always be there.  Losing them young is unfair, but there's also no age that I can think of where I would just shrug my shoulders and say "yeah, that was enough."  It makes me think of the comment my dad made when I got Heffner paw print tattooed on my back.  He asked me "are you going to get a tattoo of EVERY dog you have?"  At the time I thought why not?  Thinking about it now, that's potentially quite the back piece.  It's just such a weird thing to think about.  And I don't know how much time I should give to thinking about it.  I don't want to intentionally stop myself from that thought process as I already know that "method" of working through grief tends to not be positively productive.  But I also don't want to dwell on it.  I don't know.  It's a process.  And it sucks.  I just keep coming back to my most recent thought process of just missing Miley.

Hiking Is The Best

Before I get into the actual topic of this post, I would just like to point out that the Cleveland Browns won their game this past Thursday night!!  I have been a Browns fan for several years now and last season was a rough one.  The Browns joined the ranks of the Detroit Lions with a win less regular season.  As I am not a bandwagon follower *cough*Ducks Fans*cough*, I have stuck with them regardless of what they're record is.  With that being said, it feels really good for your team to win a game after such a rough season. 

And now back to our regularly scheduled blog post.

Hiking really is the best.  It's good for the soul and it's good for the body.  I have read other dog bloggers who have stated the many benefits of getting out into nature and I've also heard a podcast recently extolling the benefits of grounding for your pets.  For me, personally, I need it to feel more balanced.  I'd love it if I could go on a hike every morning, but drive time and work are not currently compatible with this.

Yesterday Tanner, Dom and I went hiking with a few friends and their adorable dog Ginger.  Much enjoyment was had and areas that Dom could use some confidence boosting on became abundantly clear to me.  Bridges are not Dom's best friend.  There were a couple of bridges that you would expect on a hiking trail and Dom was not a super fan of them.  He got over them, but there was much encouragement and it definitely wasn't a quick process.  It's been kind of a recurring theme since Miley passed that his confidence level has gone down a fair bit.  At times when Dom was feeling uncertain, he would literally lean on Miley.

Without the physical support of Miley, Dom is now having to find his way and is floundering a little bit with it.  Some areas I feel better equipped to help him through and others I'm figuring it out as we go along.  And I'll be honest, there are times where it's frustrating for me.  There are moments where I can't stop the thought of "he was fine with this when Miley was around."  I can't fault him, but that doesn't mean that it's always easy.

I'll continue to try to be mindful of the hikes that I take him on and work on the areas that aren't as easy for him.  It's great physical and mental exercise for him and it's something that I can't live without.  I just need to remind myself that he's not Miley and what he brings to the table is different and unique.

Education

I have been putting more effort into continuing to expand my training related knowledge.  It's an area that I really enjoy reading and hearing more about.  The problem I come up against, as with everything else, is not enough time.  Making time in my schedule to go to a regularly occurring class is definitely outside of the realm of feasible at the moment.  So I gave an online class a try through the Fenzi Dog Sports Academy.  I've done online classes before and I definitely loved them, but my current schedule and time commitments have changed a lot, so I opted to start with a gentler class.  And then my project load and schedule at work kind of blew up.  No mental space for a continually progressing class.  I lasted a couple weeks before it became abundantly clear that I just didn't have the mental space or energy for it.  Okay, so even online classes right now aren't working for me.  It was a little disappointing, but I have found some things that DO work with my often fluctuating schedule.

I don't know how other people are, but I have a really hard time with every day tasks that don't feel productive.  Tasks like driving.  Depending on how traffic is, it can really put a dent in my productivity level.  And when I feel like I already don't have enough time in the day to fit in everything I'd like to, that gets a little frustrating.  So I started listening to podcasts.  I know, I'm late to the party, but podcasts are GREAT!  I feel like I'm using this "down" time to actually learn something and stay up on the latest in whatever realm I so choose at that moment.  No more feeling stagnant and like I'm not continuing to grow.  Plus it has the added benefit of engaging the more logical part of my brain while I'm driving to tamp down that road ragey part a little. ;) I thought that maybe as a recurring part of this blog I'd share one of the podcasts that I currently listen to.  For this month, not surprisingly, one of the podcasts I listen to is the Fenzi Dog Sports podcast.  It's a weekly podcast that interviews one of the trainers teaching a class or webinar through FDSA.  It's a good way to hear a little more about a topic that you may be interested in, but aren't quite sure if the class is for you.  One thing I will say, while I was not successful at taking the class the bronze level makes the "commitment" less scary.  It's inexpensive enough that I didn't mind doing that little experiment and gives me plenty of access to the discussion forums and being able to see the gold level students' videos.  It was a good experience.

Continuing in the FDSA theme, I also decided to test the waters with a webinar this month.  There are weekly webinars that cover a wide variety of topics.  And at $20, it's hard to beat.  I now know that a class, whether online or in a physical location, won't currently work for me, I was hoping that a webinar would.  There are some really great webinars coming up from a few different groups and it just sounds so ideal.  It's a one time experience that you can either join in for the live presentation, or view the recorded session at your convenience.  PERFECT!!  And it worked out great!!  This week I watched Michele Pouliot's Platform Training-Beyond the Basics.  The webinar occurred on Thursday and I watched it on Saturday.  Tanner was working on work for a class that he's taking (not dog related) and I was watching my webinar.  It was a perfectly kick back and nerdy night at home. :)

That's what's currently working for me and keeping me happy.  I feel like I'm continuing to learn more AND I feel like I'm maximizing the less useful chunks of time in my day.  Win-win! 

I did want to add that not all of the podcasts that I listen to are specifically training related.  The more I think to search, the more interesting shows I come across.  I thought it would be fun to also include a non-dog or training specific podcast in these posts.  This month I picked The Dirtbag Diaries.  This show has been around since 2007, so I'm REALLY late the game with this one, but I'm a fan of the outdoor adventure stories and the storytelling skills of the various authors.  The most recent episode, Hootin' & Hollerin', really hit home with me.  It was the recovery story of a climber who had an accident while climbing that shattered his pelvis and broke his back.  His recounting of his time in the hospital and the recovery process hit home so hard with me.  So many of the thoughts that he verbalized were thoughts that had gone through my head.  And I totally agree with him that sometimes to get through tough spots like that, you need a healthy dose of denial to push through and get to where you CAN do things.  Listening to that story, I definitely wanted to include that in this post.  If you enjoy the outdoors and hearing about other people's adventures, you'll enjoy this podcast.

And with that, I'm off to start preparing myself for an involved week at work.  Cheers everyone!

Doodle Work

I don't remember exactly how it came about, but somehow Dominic gained the nickname Doodle.  It's not his only nickname, but probably the most frequently used.  He is also frequently referred to as The Doodle.  It's cute and it tends to work with his personality, but in no way has any reference to the doodle fad.  Anyhow, Dom has been getting some obviously focused work since he is now an only child.

With Miley's passing, it has either become noticeable or he has developed some mild discomfort for certain objects and situations.  He's never been a super confident dog and I think that no longer having his big sister to lean on has dealt more of a blow to that confidence level.  There are things around the house that Miley wasn't super thrilled about and I thought it was just her.  Either Dom also had a low level of discomfort with them or he now finds the scarier without Miley around.  Regardless of which it is, we've been tackling them.  I've sort of taken it as my first order of business to get myself back on my feet and back into a more regular training schedule.  Baby steps.

We started with the spray bottle.  I'm not sure how this developed, but Dom has HATED the spray bottle.  Which is incredibly inconvenient at dog shows when I'm wanting to cool him down a little and keep him hydrated.  Miley LOVED the spray bottle, so I'm really not sure where his fear of it came from.  I definitely don't use it as a punishment, especially since I want them to have positive associations with it.  So we've been working on desensitizing and reconditioning it as a positive thing.  I'm happy to report that it's working and was really simple.  I started by just treating him for nose touching the bottle itself.  After that I started spritzing a little bit out, which got him interested.  And gradually we worked up to full sprays that he was happily lapping straight from the sprayer.  I knew this wouldn't be all that challenging.  He likes drinking and he really likes drinking from moving water sources, so the spray bottle was producing the reward.  I just had to encourage him to get past his initial fear of approaching the bottle and things moved quickly from there.

After the spray bottle came the baby gates that I have in a couple locations in my house.  He has no problem with x-pens, but is uncomfortable passing by the baby gates in close quarters like the hallway leading to my bedroom.  I never noticed that he was uncomfortable with these, most likely because Miley's level of discomfort was pretty obvious.  I was not great at being consistent working with her, and she never really got past an alright level.  I always thought that Dom was fine.  But as it turns out, he is also a bit uncomfortable.  I can't think of a time where he's knocked the gates over or had a negative experience, but maybe Miley's dislike of them was enough to condition him to dislike them without knowing why.  So we've been working on that.  I do want to grab some video of him working on it and I wish that I had taken video from the get go to visually record his progress, but so it goes.  It's a work in progress and I'm happy with how it's going.

The other thing we're working on is his comfort level in tight spaces.  This gets a little challenging because of his ever exuberant tail.  The more happy or the more uncomfortable and unsure he gets, the more forcefully his tail swings.  This can be problematic in certain tight spaces where he potentially knocks things over.  Places like that, I will just generally avoid working on as he doesn't really need to be in those locations in my house.  Tanner and I did do some cleaning up and rearranging of the office so that there is now more space for Dom to comfortably move around in there.  Dom is slowly building up his comfort level and getting better about entering that room.  We're getting there.

And other areas that we've been working on are building up hind end strength and the dumbbell hold.  I will have a separate post about Dom's dumbbell work, because unsurprisingly, I am needing to do things a little differently with him than any of the other three.  Naturally. ;) But it's been fun trying different routes with him.

This post hasn't been exactly the most stimulating, but I am TRYING to get myself into a schedule of posting.  Which means getting myself back into a mind set of specific content for posts.  I hesitate to say that I think I am starting to find a more manageable balance of everything in my life and will be able to not only carve out the time for regular training, but also allotting time for the blog and making some videos, which I really enjoy.  So here's to finding balance and trying not to berate yourself too much when it's bloody well elusive.

Miley

I lost Miley to osteosarcoma on Monday August 6th.  I've been through this before.  Unfortunately, this exact same thing.  It just progressed differently with Miley.  I've been meaning to write this post for a bit, figuring that it would help in the grieving process.  I've gone through that process twice before, but that doesn't make it less raw or at all the same.

Here's a twist to the knife.  Miley developed the tell tale tumor on the same exact leg, in the same exact location as Bess.  Only her tumor appeared basically in front of my eyes, while we were at the vet's office.  I fucking hate cancer.

I took Miley in to see her vet due to a slight limp that just wasn't going away.  After a week of me being out of town and her brother staying with other people, she should have been able to rest up enough to signify that this slight limp meant something else was going on.  I thought it was something to do with her shoulder.  So we went to the vet.  She did flex tests on her, she had me gait her, she poked and prodded her to see if she could get a pain response in a specific location or feel heat in a particular area.  Nothing.  Her recommendation was that she was going to send me home with antiinflamatories, rest her for a week and see what happens.  I felt like something was up and I still felt like it was the shoulder, so I asked her if she'd x-ray her shoulders.  She was more than fine taking the x-rays at my request.  Shoulder x-rays came back clear.  We'd already had a conversation about her first guess given Miley's breed was osteosarcoma, and since she wasn't the same vet that Bess had, I explained the process with Bess.  As she was showing me Miley's clear shoulder x-rays, she said that she didn't do any scans of the rest of her legs since nothing warranted it.  Well....

After she brought Miley back to the waiting room she gave me the option of hanging out in the room until the receptionist was ready to ring me up, or I could wait out in the waiting room.  Thankfully I opted to wait in the waiting room.  As I was sitting there, I was looking at Miley's front legs and I could SWEAR that her left front was now swollen in that tell tale region.  Which seemed impossible.  The vet and I had been all over that area.  How could either of us have possibly missed that.  Clearly i was something that had already been seen.  But I couldn't stop staring at it.  Finally I just decided that if I didn't get it x-rayed right then, it was going to drive me crazy and I'd just be bringing her back in the next day.  So I grabbed a vet tech, who grabbed the vet.  She came in and was shocked that she hadn't seen it.  Then said that as we were talking she could almost swear that it was increasing in size.  Back off for x-rays Miley went.  The vet came back and told me that she was about to be my least favorite person.  They could get a biopsy to confirm, but Miley's x-ray looked just like Bess'.

From there, Miley's progression was very different than Bess'.  Bess was only on meloxicam until the end.  Miley was on meloxicam, tramadol at an increasing dose and gabapentin at the end.  By the evening of the 5th she was no longer weight bearing on the leg.  Despite all the meds that she was on, she was still herself at times.  She just couldn't play as much.  Then finally she stopped putting weight on the leg.  It took both Tanner and I to gently lift her out of the house so that she could potty. 

A friend of mine who's a vet came on the morning of the 6th to put her down.  Even then Miley was excited to see her and was bouncing around to the best of her ability so that she could say hi.  Which had me glad that she had asked if I preferred a light sedative prior to the injection. 

This is just hard.  I keep thinking about great Miley was during my recovery process.  How incredibly happy she was to see me when I finally came home from the hospital.  She never wanted to leave my side.  Those two months while I was wheelchair bound and basically stuck inside my house, she only wanted to be next me.  She moderated her play around me throughout the entire process.  This is beyond unfair.  She was only four.  And she was significant to me.  Part of the loss is knowing how amazing she was.  How much time we should have still had together and all the things we should have still been able to do.  I will never hear her fake grumble at night when I glom on to her.  I will never see her punching the garage door handle because I'm clearly too dense to understand that she wants outside.  I will never get another chance to tell her she's got too much sass in that ass.  It's just not okay. 

I am glad that I have so many pictures and so many videos of her.  Looking back at those does reaffirm for me that I did give her a good life.  She did know that she was loved.  And I have so many amazing memories with her.  I put together a video of some of the snippets.  Nothing will feel like enough, but this helps.