Monday, June 28, 2010

Just Stressed

Do you remember that old commercial slogan from the 80's, "stress stinks, Arid works?" I really wish that all I had to do was apply a magical deodorant to wipe my stress away. I realized last night that I am wound incredibly tight right now. I realized this when I honestly came very close to having a nervous breakdown when Heffner started limping last night. I'll give a little back story to better explain the build up.

Things have been pretty stressful at work for me for about the past six months. I normally love my job. While I have tasks that are less thrilling than others, it's an overall pretty great job. There's a fair amount of variety, I work with a lot of really great people who are very supportive, helpful, and hard working. Additionally I have a pretty great boss. Granted that feeling probably isn't very mutual right now, but I understand. We've gone through a fair amount of changes and our work load has just really ramped up. Enough that we just hired someone in May and we're in the process of hiring another person. Things have just been crazy the past six months and I've pretty much been trying to keep my head above water. Every single time that I feel like I'm getting some where and I have things under control, something comes up to just destroy that. It's getting old. It's really wearing on me. And my work performance is most definitely suffering. It's getting more difficult to fully function to the ability I know I have when I'm on this constant roller coaster every day.

Normally, the dogs are my stress relief. There's so many things to do with them! They're not just my pets, not just a hobby, not just a passing fad. They are everything. Lately we've had a run of bad luck specifically with Bess. It is so hard to try to keep my head on straight when I've got a dog that first goes through a very serious and life threatening illness. Then once she's really on her way to recovering, she narrowly misses a life threatening gash. The possibility of losing one of my dogs is not something that I can stand to think about. When that day comes, it will destroy me. Until then, I really can't think about it. I prefer to plan for my dogs to live forever. Being forced to stare their mortality in the face twice within the same month has seriously pushed me to the edge.

When you combine the heavy stress load that I've been trying unsuccessfully to deal with at work, I'm seriously ready to completely shut down if one more thing goes wrong. Which brings us up to last night where I seriously held on to things by a very thin thread.

Heffner got the zoomies in the back yard last night. Nothing new there. On one of his overly enthusiastic turns, he sort of wiped out with his back legs. In the process, he managed to put a small gash on his inner left rear thigh. It was relatively minor and that occasionally happens. While he seemed sore initially, he walked it off. A few hours later, he wasn't putting any weight on that foot. And he was putting weight only on the outside of the back right leg. I seriously freaked out. I had him walking up and down the hallway. As I got more and more agitated, I started yelling at Adam to get in the hallway and watch Heffner walking. I started yelling at Adam about the whole thing. Seriously. Just started yelling at my husband for really no reason, about something that he had no control over. Somehow he managed to get me calmed down after he realized that I wasn't on some random rampage about him. The thought of one of my dogs being injured yet again, just about pushed me over the edge. Having to go through all the thoughts I had with Bess on our two ER trips. All the unpleasant thoughts and emotions that I went through during those times. All the horrible feelings. Thinking that one of my dogs was hurt and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. It was awful.

Once I was calmed down and we were just talking things through. I flat out old Adam that I couldn't handle another thing going wrong. I seriously could not handle it. I'm stressed while I'm at work and I'm stressed while I'm at home. I'm to a point where I can't get away from it. I'm trying to work a balancing act with my sanity and all it will take is one little thing to upset the balance. And I just can't handle it at this point.

I know that this post is less dog related and more me going off on a tangent, but I can't help it. I really enjoy the blog. It's a little therapeutic for me to be able to gush about my dogs and just have with the whole thing in my own little way. And it does feel a little good to be able to just get this off my chest and air it out. So the blog goes silent for any little lengths of time, I'm probably just trying to figure out how to better deal with the stress and need a little break. It's usually not for very long. Or if I seem to be rambling at times, now you'll know why. Bear with me. Eventually it'll get better. It's just incredibly draining and trying right now.

I should also add that Heffner is doing fine today. No limping. I've kept a band-aid on his scratch and he's left it alone. I ended up giving him some buffered aspirin last night so that he could get comfortable and that seemed to help a lot. So thankfully nothing major there.


katie said...

hi lindsay, just wanted to say I think more of us than are brave enough to admit have felt the same way you are feeling. Especially when it comes to our pups. In the last year we lost my poodle, whom I had for 16 years, after treating him for months for Cushings. Meeka had a bad malignant melanoma removed from her front leg and we are still watching her for lymphoma. Of course we had the baby Maizey who within 3 months had surgery to fix both patella's. I can tell you the night her second knee slipped out and she started crying I just lost it.

I don't write all this to "one up your stress" at all, when I have been reading about bess and saw that horrible gash I just could hardly believe it. I only share that part of our story because when your pups who you care for soo much are hurting it can be the proverbial straw. But hang in there! My pups are proof they can make it through so much and so can you! Hopefully our husbands can too!LOL Hope things start looking up for you and the big dogs!

katie said...

p.s. sorry to blather on so long! :)

Lindsay said...

Thanks Katie!:)

Two Crazy Coaches said...

FOr all you've dealt with the past couple of weeks, I am impressed at how well you've managed things. Everyone needs to vent and de-stress from time to time. You're stronger than you'll get through this!

Flash & Ollie send Bess slobbery kisses so she'll keep healing!!

Lindsay said...


houndstooth said...

I've had crazy stress for the last year and a half. I can sure understand that! The dogs have been a great stress-reliever for me, but I've gone through losing one and I know that eventually I'm going to lose another soon. It's hard, but for me, getting out with them and away from everything really helps!

brooke said...

Im sorry to hear how stressed out you've been. Ive been amazed at how much you seem to be able to handle (2 dogs, multiple activities for each dogs, injuries, training, hikes, work... etc). It's only natural to feel overwhelmed with it all. Is it possible to take some time off from work? A day or two just so you can stay home and relax with the dogs and have one less thing on your plate at least for a little while?

MurphyDog said...

Oh gosh...I knows exactly how you feel...been there, done that. For some reason, when the shit hits the fan...its never a little tiny bit that you can wipe off with a tissue, its a whole lotta crap that requires a full cleanse to get rid of! :)

Hang in there...the doggies will be fine. Bess sounds like she is healing well and fortunately someone was looking down on her and she got off lucky. Hef was probably just looking for some sympathy!

I agree...a mental health day from work might just be in order!

Debbie, Murphydog's Mom

M.T. said...

Hang in there!!!! I have a good friend who recently went through a spate of bad luck/freak accident incidents as well, which included a host of health problems with her beloved dog that all came to a head around the same time ... i absolutely know how you feel!!!!! Deep breaths though, this too shall pass, as cliched as it may sound!

If you can, try to take some time just for YOU, yourself. I find that that has helped me alot in the recent past when i just felt too overwhelmed in trying to handle everything that's going on in my life right now.


Kennedy said...

Lindsay, I'm sorry things have piled on to the point where it's that bad! Since I'm one of your local blog followers, let me know if I can do anything to help. If you want to get out, have a drink, go for a walk, need a cup of coffee, whatever. Hang in there - it's been said but is worth saying again. You are stronger than you know and you will be fine and I have faith your furkids will, too. I hate to say it cause it makes me nuts but damn if it isn't true - what doesn't kill us will make us stronger. And the strong must go through trials.

Lilo, The Great Rock Eater said...

Lindsay, vent away!! Over the last year and a half I have found there is no better sounding board than my blogger family!! They are always here to listen and offer words of encouragement when I need them the most!! We are always here to listen if you need us and we'll be here waiting if you feel the need to take a break.

Glad to Heffner is ok and that Bess is on the mend!! Hope things get better at work!!


Jennifer H. said...

Oh goodness Lindsay!! Just reading your post gets my stomach turning and my heart racing. You've had numerous very scary incidents and I totally understand about feeling pushed over the edge by another possible scary incident!!

I hope that things calm down for you soon and that both Bess and Heff stay nice and healthy!!!

I also wanted to say CONGRATS on Heff's RN title. Way to go!!!!

Training my Mammoth said...

I absolutely 100% understand what you mean. In the span of 4 weeks, I had my disability checks canceled because of a receptionists mistake, Pat had emergency leg surgery and a potentially deadly blood clot in his leg, Layla swallowed the toy and almost needed emergency surgery (that I couldn't afford - I thought the worst feeling was the fear of your dog going through any surgery or pain, but add to it panic of not being able to help her just because you don't have $5,000 laying around) and a death in the family. When will it end?

The part that I empathize with the most is that your dogs are your stress relief. Mine are the same way. If it's not an actual training session, just a walk with them is usually enough to clear your mind a little, or even sitting on the couch with them. But when you're faced with the chance that they might not be there to do any of that any more, it's a horrible, unbearable thought. And don't even bring up the dog's mortality. I'm with you; I can't even think about it.

Don't worry about rambling or going off on a tangent. A lot of times, those posts are more interesting than dog training ones because they're so much more personal. Not just yours, but anyones. I really hope things settle down for you.

Life With Dogs said...

Major relief to hear that scare is behind you. I wish I could not relate, but overwhelmed is my usual state. Time always seems to sort it out...

It's your blog, vent away!!